


The conversation

by FireWinged



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, One Shot, Outing, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot, mentions of fear of death?, paladins of voltron - Freeform, talks of anxiety, that seems important
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 13:35:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12013860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireWinged/pseuds/FireWinged
Summary: “I’m afraid of dying,” Lance admitted,





	The conversation

Pidge felt comfortable, free to be herself, completely honest and open. She had no idea how that had happened. She was talking to Lance, of all people. It felt like they’d never spoken before. They sat on the floor in one of the many rooms in the castle. This one was dark with floor to ceiling windows, where they could see the stars passing them slowly. They had been speaking for hours.

It had started as a conversation about Shiro. They both missed him, and the castle felt different without him. They were worried about Keith, who was taking it hardest. They turned to more lighthearted topics for a while. Relaxed, they jumped into what Lance did in his spare time, to bad shows Pidge missed. That shifted to both of them laughing, telling stories of their siblings and childhoods. They’d needed a good laugh. There were many topics on both their minds, many things they had needed to say but hadn’t felt like they could. They were invested in the conversation in ways they hadn’t been in a very long time. Having time to talk was rare. Being paladins of Voltron was a full-time job.

Having time to process emotions was an even more unusual luxury. Pidge started talking about how she missed her family, how she was terrified of what her mother was going through now because of her. She laid awake at night wondering if Matt was alive, and even when she didn’t she was lucky if she slept a few hours. She admitted that when she finished missions and got off the green lion she often found herself panicking and struggling to breathe, feeling like she was still under attack but no longer had any protection. She explained her jumpy, stressed reactions to loud sounds and sudden movement.

Lance confessed he often wondered if he was useful to the team. He was scared he would be easily replaced. He knew he wasn’t the best at anything. He wasn’t particularly necessary or special. It exhausted him sometimes, to keep up the front he did and pretend everything was okay and nothing mattered. Acting like all he cared about was the cute girls he could meet drained him. He thought some of the other paladins really believed that was all he was. He just wanted his team to relax. It’s no secret they are all brimming with anxiety day in and day out. Their adventures are fun, and they are protected by their lions, but they’re still fighting a war.

The conversation turned deeper as they passed by another distant solar system. “I’m afraid of dying,” Lance admitted, then frowned at his own words. “Not really of dying because of the act of dying or what comes after. I am afraid of… what my death will do to those around me. I am afraid of being needed and not being able to be there. I am terrified of… hurting those who love me with my death. We’ve seen so much of it. I could never hurt my parents or my family like that, they wouldn’t even know…I’ve- I-” He stumbled on what he was saying, scratched the back of his neck. “Sometimes-” He didn’t have to say it. Pidge knew exactly what he meant, but she had a feeling he needed to say it. She let him stumble until he finally found his footing. “They wouldn’t even know I’m dead. Maybe they think I already am.”

Pidge tilted her head. “I understand being afraid of how your death could hurt those around you. I’ve also had-” She paused, the image of his brother surfacing in his mind. “People tried to convince me my brother and my dad had died. I wouldn’t wish the pain of losing a loved one to anyone, yet we all go through it.” She looked down, started playing with her shoelaces. “They tried to convince me they had died but I knew they hadn’t. I couldn’t accept that. I couldn’t just bury an empty casket and get over it. Yeah, they tried to do that.” Her voice trembled slightly. She hoped it was subtle enough that Lance hadn’t noticed. He had. “I knew in my heart they were alive. I think your family will too.”

 “I hope so. And if they don’t, I hope… I hope I am as inconsequential to them as I am to the team.” He shrugged, somehow at peace with that. “But, thank you. For saying that.”

“You aren’t inconsequential to them or to the team, Lance. Sure, you are goofy and weird. You are also kind, understanding, surprisingly smart-”

“Hey!” Lance interrupted, attempting to sound insulted. His smile was obvious.

“I’m not joking! I mean, you put up this flirty face so much that sometimes I forget. But you’re amazingly smart and insightful.” Pidge finished, finally looking up again.

“Thank you.” Lance smiled with fondness and took a deep breath. “I just wish I knew they are happy. My family, I mean. I want to know they’re okay. And I want them to know I am okay too. That I am safe and happy.” His frustration was growing obvious. He cringed. “I just want them to be happy.”

 “That’s all we ever want for anyone. Seeing the people we love happy, even if it’s at our expense, is usually worth it.” Pidge licked her lips, thinking, trying to pick the perfect words for what she wanted to say. “The… first person I had romantic feelings for, she-” The change in her expression was immediate, it went from calm to terrified in the span of half a second at realizing her mistake. She’d just outed herself to Lance. She had lowered her guard down too much. She had screwed up. She covered her mouth with a shaking hand, looking at Lance, expecting to find disgust in his expression. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. No one knows, I- I haven’t- I haven’t told anyone. I never even told Matt! Please don’t tell. Please don’t hate me. Please, oh god, please don’t- I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say-” She was rambling, her heart beating loudly in her ears. Her whole body had begun to shake.

“Hey, hey,” Pidge looked up to find Lance… smiling. “It’s okay. You’re okay. You’re all good.” He held his arm out, palm up. “Take my hand.” Pidge did, to her own surprise. “If you want me to forget you ever said that, I can. It’s nothing you should be ashamed about, though. I promise.” He squeezed her hand. “You’re okay.” She blinked, confused. She was still shaking as she moved towards him and hugged Lance’s waist. He caressed her hair with a gentle, affectionate hand. He wrapped his other arm around her. “I know it’s scary. I know. You’re okay. Everything’s okay.” In that moment, Pidge believed him. She felt relieved, almost elated. “I know. It’s scary, but you’re safe.” Lance explained. “I’ve felt the same way. It’s okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while since I posted. In fact, it's been a while since I wrote. My tumblr url is now songofashandfire.tumblr.com, and I have a writing (and photographs) tumblr now a-string-of-words.tumblr.com. Hopefully, I'll post often. I'll also reply to asks, prompts, and requests. Thank you so much for reading this, I hope you enjoyed it.


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